It's been too long since I've made a formal journal, and I'm mostly here to explain a lack of art or a complete break down away from communities.

From Jan through Feb, there was a rut that I had gone through. Make a comic for this local paper, make a new art for Fridays or the weekend, get something done for SubStar, and get a few commissions done. Honestly I don't have a problem getting the art done that I was able to get done, but my body has been telling me otherwise.

My hand physically hurt, and no amount of repositioning, stretching, or getting better sitting arrangements could fix it. It takes NOT drawing to fix the pain I was experiencing, and it can quickly go back to be impossible to draw. While I have MANY pics that I want to finish, I look at them and feel uninspired to do so. There's something that needs to be tweeked or better yet thrown out all together. My mood tells me it's not the best time to draw what I should or what I sketched out.

There is a technique in the art community is to be happy with non perfectionism, but with the comics that I post to the Newspaper every week, that's been what I've been doing. I spend a day or two talking with people who want THEIR idea and then I sketch it up as quickly and as lazily as possible. The effort I give them might not always be worth what I'm given at the end of the week, and it's likely what's caused a lot of stress. Back and forth editing issues and concepts I can't comprehend. It's great to have this job, but then I can tell I'm already burnt out about it, and that's really sad.

My body equally feels like it's falling apart, and I get mood swings into depression and lethargy. I have another little job, that I do enjoy very much, just a small retail job. I'm still doing fine in that, but when the weather is so rainy, people aren't out shopping. Failing businesses around my area make me sad. I want to be able to go around and shop and be entertained, but I'm not making enough money to help the places I love. I love the rain too, so I don't want to dismiss it, but I'm honestly surprised how I've wanted to stay inside more and have a more lethargic feeling because of it.

My diet sucks as well. Chocolates and breads are so easy to get a hold of, and you're dealing with a shut in life style, it makes everything worse. I often feel like I can bring myself out of it, but it doesn't last and there's a hormonal change that shoots me right back into not wanting to care or bother to keep myself from being tired. There could be things that happen with getting older that makes this harder to manage.

I'm sorry if March has NOTHING to show for it's self. I'm sorry I can't keep promises. I can't even sit without something hurting, I can't stand without something hurting, I'm not sleeping well without something keeping me awake, and even eating hurts. It hurts to draw and I don't have the attention span to even focus on a drawing for more than 30 seconds. Maybe everyone else is dealing with this now and I'm completely not unique. Some people are having a pretty good time right now, and others are having it worse. All I can do is stay outta it and avoid getting other people's hopes up.

All I have is gaming right now. I enjoy playing video games. Splatoon may not be the best way to be spending my time, but I need something to help me feel happy. Also tinkering with virtual pets has helped. It's been expensive but I like being able to take care of these little guys. I got a real IRL DOG too, he keeps me busy with exercising the best I can.

I'll have a dr.s visit soon enough to look at me and tell me I'm fat and I need to stop being fat like they always do. Suggest a therapist who I talk to but they absolutely just make me feel more self conscious than I want.

I don't even know if people have really "missed" my art or noticed I've even been MIA, but now ya know. I'll post when I can post. Thanks for reading.