It'll be my birthday next week on the 21st, and I'll say to my folks the only thing I want is to stay home and eat a big bowl of ramen soup which I've done for the last three years cause the place in town that makes it, does it really well.

Newgrounds has been a good place to be over all. I'm sorry to say I don't interact much but I don't have to worry about my subject matter upsetting people or getting removed like on FA. I can post images with high quality and not have to worry about it compressing my art too much and as long as I post new pics, there's been some really nice new interactions. Eventually I hope to get more involved, but for now, I'll keep doing what I'm doing.

I'm mostly in my discord posting pics there or ranting on twitter, which I don't recommend following because my takes are dumb. If you want to be apart of my Discord you have to ask for it. It's a small little community and it's otherwise made up of lurkers. I'll always post wips there.

Commissions are always open, but technically they are open for REAL now, and you can ask me for a commission now. Prices won't go up this coming year, so don't feel like you're gonna FOMO.

Just thank you for putting up with me, I always feel like I'm more annoying then entertaining. My art has improved a lot, imo, and while I know getting a job again is gonna slow me down, I do hope that I can keep producing more content and finish the things I set out to accomplish. I have that artist problem of starting a million things and then never finishing them.

As always you can ask me questions, and I'll do my best to answer them.

I think writing an update is in order because it's been a month and I've been deliberately quiet.

It's been the heat, I avoid being around my computer. I don't go out of my way to really talk about what my life is like on a day to day basis because I'm not doing much other then sitting at the computer or trying not to over heat by being in a room where I'd need a laptop, which I'm avoiding that as well. I'm still on my phone mostly and on my Discord but I can't bring it to me to bother people with my complaints and ramblings... or even plans.

Twitter and discord are places I tend to be at these days and I throw my ideas to anons at the chans, which I'm aware how dangerous that can be. There is something cathartic being able to yell at people I'll never meet and just let loose steam without upsetting normal people. I feel like this behavior was something I was doing too often around twitter and journals and getting possessive over dumb fandom bullshit isn't good. BUT I still need places and communities where I can derail into conversations that won't go anywhere and targeted at people who don't matter that much.

My personal life I guess is me talking to a therapist every week and taking CBD/THC edibles to keep me together. The therapist is doing alright I guess but it's sort of hard to really feel like I'm getting through shit. I feel like the CBD is helping more because I have less cravings and I'm less inclined to chronic pains and anxiety. I'm coming to some realization that being stuck at home isn't working and is apart of my issues but I'm still not strong enough to feel like I can leave. There's always something that happens that brings me back into my cave and I'm often made to feel like leaving will be worse somehow... or uncharacteristically me.

ART wise I'm slowly chugging through my Animaniacs ideas, trying to finish them up little bit by little bit. I can feel like people are getting tired of them and so I'm thankful when people are still happy that I'm getting them out there. When the days hit about 3-6pm it's at it's hottest around here and I end up taking a nap. I get lost in online topics too easily and I get distracted with arting. My arting method now hasn't been loose and free form for a WHILE either. I get annoyed at the "perfectionism is evil" language I see from art twitter, and I see the work they produce and I value very little about it. I don't get inspired by other artists anymore. I don't know if people are inspired by art at all and I don't feel like I can give good advice in comparison to people who have jobs in art.

There might be a point where my mentality has shifted into obsession and anger to avoid sadness as a default response. Rather then being sad and lonely all the time, I accept being an enemy to others because I don't want to be forced to change myself to appease others. Not to an aggressive state, and not to the undeserved. I still treat my opinions as useless to most normal people and I think about all sides of the situation before spewing out the horrible thing I'd say if I didn't have a filter.

Guess this journal isn't really an update but I felt like I owed it to people just to give them something after a lot of nothing to say. Galleries like FA and Newgrounds are fine really, I'm just avoiding them because I can't conform to the rules set and I'm afraid of being seen and called out JUST for drawing pervy cartoons. Even if it was my OWN OCs, even for characters like Villy, Berry, Demion, Eddie or Wallop, there's this fear that it can be used against me somehow. "Look at this freak who draws these things, they deserved to be harassed for it." The sadness might've been replaced with anger and envy, but the paranoia hasn't gone away. I just can't see what I need to do for the foreseeable future anymore. Nothing feels safe.

To the people still checking in on SubStar I feel like I need to apologize but then also very thankful. Really if noone commits to it that's fair. If the art that is being submitted isn't good, I can take that feedback, and I'm sorry it upset people. I'm gonna draw what I want to draw, and I do care to give members something unique to look at. Little bits of income mean a lot because I'm not confident I can do anything for long term sometimes.

If you read this all the way, thank you too. Stay safe in these trying times.

I've been drawing, but I think it's best to say that I tried to just enjoy May as slowly as I could. It wasn't a terrible month but it wasn't a successful month. I'm not any better when it comes to fixing my lifestyle habits but at least I feel like I've made some steps to making my lifestyle more manageable. I still get caught up vegging and glued to videos and just chatting with strangers. I've been working on my health, and this was a less active month sadly. I do want to be more committed to loosing weight, as I say every month, but if I'm not attached to a computer maybe that can be achieved.

As the summer ramps up again it makes me sad. Most people have Winter fears, but the heat we get in CA is just frightening and gives me a lot of PTSD. I worry about the health of my pets and plants, the heat that will inevitably scorch us and then at any point fires will ravage our lands. I typically slow down during the summer, but I'm also slowing down in general. Creating more finished pieces then quick and lazy sketches.

JUNE tho, I will be busy with IRL stuff. I have a temp job that'll last about two weeks (hopefully no more then that) and that'll keep me away from really drawing or talking to people. I'll be giving away items, such as free plushes and things... I suggest watching my personal twitter or be in my discord to know when those things will happen. Some things are like "they're too shitty for ebay but you just pay shipping and it's yours" deals.

I have art that I'm slowly working on but I wasn't able to commit to giving Substar anything of value that wasn't a paid commission and I'm sorry about that. You do have the option to not opt into a monthly payment and I would probably suggest you do that. This is why I keep the monthly fee to 5$ I can't promise people I'll be able to draw much of anything consistently but I'm always thankful they want to support me in small ways. Take care of yourself 1st and foremost and I'm grateful that you stopped by.

What I offer is a discord link to people, and I'm not going to post it publicly here. Please send me a note or a PM letting me know if you're interested in joining my group. I get really happy to share my sketches and dumb ideas to people. Discord just seems like the safest place to share art with people and I don't have to worry about upsetting people who might not be into the weird shit I draw. Also I need to know if my verification thing i set up works properly, so ya know... ask if you want to join my black arts club.

Anyway. Thanks again for reading. Take care of yourself too please.

Hi Newgrounds... hows it going?

Think it's best to admit that I'm sort of not feeling good about posting art in general but most of my art slowness is all thanks to my fears about FA ruining my existence online. Killing me and my drive for art with their censorship. I don't have much to be inspired with because I can't make connections with people. I've always been pretty distant and afraid to talk to people, so feeling like saying "hello" to someone would get me blocked and banned is enough to keep me closed away from the internet.

Newgrounds could be a community that i know I can talk to but it also feels like they have their own party going on in the background and I can't really find a place to stand or a conversation that I can get into. You guys are doing great and riding the high of these new games and stuff... but I really don't know if I fit in... every now and then there are still comments and people stopping by my art to either down vote it harshly or leave some weird comment making me feel unwelcome... not all of you can control that but it still feels like my hand being slapped away from the cookie jar.

The other thing getting me down is just trying to deal with my mental stress... it's not even things that I can explain, but I do feel like I need to try and go back to the real world at some point and THAT experience horrifies me greatly. I'm working on my health the best I can, but then I get caught up in just feeling like not doing anything and mopeing for days... I had an excuse where the Vaccine made me fatigued for a few days, keeping me closed up and away from people. I really don't have much to add when it comes to being a good leader or a good role model... but I need to at least feel like I'm capable of doing that.

It feels like everyone is tired of the internet and it's BS for the most part. Noone feels like they can be themselves anymore and there are too many people just openly attacking people over petty problems.

What WILL happen I can say for SubStar is there will be a mix of Sonic and other Video Game characters that I have interest in doing more drawings of. The A! stuff took a hiatus only because I want to draw other things. If all goes well, I might actually finish a fanfiction at some point and be able to share it around (one of the fanfictions, I have too many). If someone knows about Ao3 and it's system, I wouldn't mind hearing about your feedback about it. My commissions are still in production as well, I have a few that I look forward to sharing with everyone once they're done. Just I could never produce art daily, or even weekly in some fashion. I love taking my time with art if I can, it should be therapeutic before it's a major job.

Thanks for understanding. My attention though will be to make sure SubStar people get the art, and I'm still not sure what place I can go to anymore to call my main art hub ... I hope it can be newgrounds but I really don't know.

I'm pretty sad for the moment, and I'm really worried about how safe my art is here. Like I've been pretty careful in posting certain art here on Newgrounds because I know this place doesn't do well with the usual Furry kinks that FA is popular for. FA just gave me a suspension for the questionable Warner porn that I posted recently, and I'm so confused as to why... or at least why now.

I'm upset about being called out or attacked over fanart that isn't even of real people and that I'm not able to find a safe place to upload what ever I want, how I want to post them. I put a lot of effort into the Wakko/Pepe pic that I thought wouldn't be an issue, but it ended up triggering someone. I do apologize that maybe the art wasn't consensual enough and has levels of cringe kink to it that not many people would be supportive of. Yet at the end of the day, it's all of fictional cartoons and doesn't effect real people... and I'm tired of fictional cartoons triggering people to go into porn take downs.

Please, I do hope you all understand me that I don't support or condone art and imagery of real people (adults or minors) getting sexually abused or put in suggestive situations they don't want to be in. That's the last thing I want to happen to anyone. I know most people are ok with my art and don't see an issue with it, and that's all I want in life. I draw for the people with the same weird art fascinations that I have.

You guys can tell me any of your thoughts and opinions about this and let me know what is acceptable on Newgrounds. I would appreciate it very much.

It's been a bit since I've written a worth while update. I'm feeling like maybe I can get things back to a normal production schedule. I've had a bit of some emotional hook ups that have slowed me down, and a few physical things that I'm getting treated. Nothing serious at all, but major hold up was developing tennis elbow and spending A LOT of money buying things to improve my work station and set up. I really only took ONE commission this month because I couldn't feel comfortable with taking on projects that I didn't feel like I could finish in a timely manner.

Special notice to Newgrounds people, I see people follow me but I really don't know how to make connections here. This place is just gonna be a back up account because most subject matter of art is fairly tolerated. It's hard to invest in multiple art accounts at once if I'm being honest, and I'm not sure if I can post some of the things I post to FA on here. ANYWAY... if you like my stuff, thanks. I don't know how to use this place to my advantage.

This coming month I have INDEED created a few pics in mind for SubStar exclusive pictures again. Mostly more A! pinups for sure, as most of my Dot pics I've been drawing are gonna end up there. I have an idea of what it is people want from my SubStar this coming month but I've been so slow to produce work that I pretty much ignored it all last two months. It also felt like a lot of people were financially compromised as well, so I think it's for the best to not have made people feel like they needed to support me. Just giving me comments and favs was enough really.

SubStar Link

Here again is the Discord Link to my server. (expired)

Expires in 7 days.

It's been pretty quiet there but it's really just a pit stop to come by and share things ya like.

TODAY there will be another Pictaro Stream where I'll be watching the 90's talking Tom and Jerry Movie while I work on art.

I'm gonna say check back around 3pm Pacific Time if you're interested. Art will be mostly SFW, with maybe some nsfw coloring happening. I like reading your comments so please don't be afraid to speak up. Thanks for reading all of this. Ask questions always.

I really don't mind people giving me negative feedback. Like if there is something wrong with my art, I'll be hurt but I'm doing my best to get stronger from it. Course, I love the praise but when I can sense my work getting stale or something is off, then I'd like to know what the problem is.

It's certainly harder for some people to feel like they can give me feedback and what tends to happen is that I'll hear it but still not take it seriously. Most of my work and technique is all self taught and hard to stop doing the bad techniques. Like I don't reverse my images back and forth, I still allow tangents and muddy silhouettes, and don't really use references when I should use them.

There are certain comments that get me like, "you're drawing a lot of THIS and not a lot of what I want to see" and yeah I get that part. It comes off of more of a "I'll only like your work if you draw my kink" and that feels a disingenuous. When I jump into do a different subject matter it feels weird to have those pics sort of SINK like stones because I gathered a following of people who loved the ONE thing I was doing and don't get the new thing I was doing. I guess, I'm always looking for advice and critique on the CURRENT picture I drew, regardless of subject matter.

For a lot of people I understand it, but then I just look at my art and how I've never really been a great artist. I've always been just a meandering artist with a very amateur style. It's never going to be amazing and I spend a lot of time and energy working on things that don't get me instant adoration and attention and it just makes me feel like giving up... course I can't give up and I really won't give up, but there are certainly things that I've given up on more often then completing them. The time I spend getting the things done which are things that I think will blow people away, just end up getting me back in the same circle of mediocrity that I've always been in.

I do thank people for being around and just lookin... I can't always tell why you like my stuff, and you can certainly say why, but in the end it's still not ... right. It's still all just my own hold ups getting to me. Thanks for readin.

IT'S the end of 2020, really I don't expect next year to be too much better. There are still lots of hurdles and mountains to climb after the battle we had this year. I said on twitter, it's like we're fighting DBZ villains here, we won some battles but they were hiding their power level all along. I think we're in the stages of beating the Ginyu Force tho, there's still a few extra filler episodes before we get to the worst of it. (We're going to get turned into a frog at some point I guess).

I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing. Next year is another day doing what I want to do. Even if there will be backlash, there will be more Animaniacs/Warner stuff because I have TOOOO much of that stuff that I've been drawing. So, I'll work on that and it does feel like I can sort of 'end' it without leaving too many loose ends (I say hopefully).

I'm very thankful for the Subscribe Star people too, even if I'm not the best person to subscribe to. I'm still keeping that 5$, I don't plan to do more or less, but until it feels like it's not the best place to use anymore.

Commission prices WILL go up because I feel like my work is higher valued for the work I'm giving people now. I currently don't have a real job because ART is the job. I didn't take any new commissions in December was me just combating between willy nilly fanart madness and the commissions I owed people. I did get asked but when the new prices are up, hopefully the same people will bite on them. What's the increase? Maybe 5$, I took them down at the start of the year, so they'll be going back up to what I had back in the day.

The nice thing I can say is that I thank people who are still here and are cool with me being a dumb dumb. I'm getting my health together and I'm able to do what I want. I'm always thankful my friends are healthy and safe, and even you aren't a friend, please stay safe and cozy. Lets keep training for the next battle!

https://twitch.tv/anniemae04 < PART 2 streaming at 4pm (hopefully no delays). Continuing on with Earthbound Halloween hack. Please check it out and chat.

I'm planning on streaming Animaniacs Genesis game today cause I forgot to do it yesterday but I had to watching all the shitty new episodes of the new show... which I couldn't even really "watch"... I skimmed most of the show. And I'll sort of explain why its difficult to watch during the stream... at least I hope I can keep my attention focused on the show and the game at the same time.

It will be on twitch about 3-4pm CA time here> https://www.twitch.tv/anniemae04

BUT the other question is what is the preferred NSFW platform streamers like to use? Pictaro is the one I see most people use but if there are other better art streaming services that could be recommended I'd like to know. I think there was a few others but if someone has sort of a run down on what is the best NSFW streaming service, that would be cool. I should start using these other platforms for art because Twitch is kinda shitting the bed on art streaming or streaming in general.

Update: OH hey! had a good turn out and that was cool. I posted the video of the play through on youtube here> https://youtu.be/O0GNMmpJEE0

It's not the best if I'm being honest, I fucked up the gameplay a bit and lost my train of thought a lot, but if you're patient with me I hope you find amusement with it. Thanks very much for giving it a chance and a watch. Also please talk to me about this show if you'd like... I still am very upset about it, but ultimately I'm not the producers or the CEOs... those people are to blame.